i am like a zombie walking around
not concious of the stuff around mi today
Freaking Tired
had Rugby from 7am til 8 pm
13 hrs
Woke up at 530am for Touch Tournament at Pioneer Jc
Ngee Ann did ok lah
Good Experience
went for The Lion Red game after
had totally no strength but played ok
MAJOR Pissed!
Could ahev scored my First try ever in the NRC
but some pple are just so selfish
We Won our match!

The Div 1 game after that was tension Filled
The Fijian players from Src are a Bunch of Dirty Players
Throwing Punches
Late tackles
Poor OKS
he is like the nicest Guy in LionRed
A damn Good player too
someone who can Influence the outcome of a match
Got a late tackle from one of the Fijian and Broke his Shin
Ouch!
thats not all they did
Hurt Amrin's Back
Punched Chankar
Arseholes

Did not go to Father Flanagans
too tired lah
Never play a touch tournament before a League match
everyone who played are like just dying
Sleep early today?
No church tmr

At the gig yest, the Parousia Guitarist said something that really made me listen up.
he was saying that
if
99% of the time u are Resposible and the other 1% you are not,
You are not Responsible
if
99% of the time you are in Control and yet the other 1% you lose control
you are not In Control

So True

also
how certain events in our lifes truly open our eyes
replacing the tinted glasses that we see our lifes thru with a clear sheet of glasses
the tinted glass being our own pt of view
the thing that usually cause us to end up in a fight

The events also humbles us by allowing us to see how
Vulnerable and how not in Control we are
and that the only person we can turn to is
God, the person who was there for us all the time.

Somtimes we just have to Yield everything to him
allow him to lead us instead of tryin to lead him
Try to see things thru his pt of view
Everything is in his Time not ours

Everything he said made alot of sense to mi
i am beginnin to lose sight of the vision God gave mi
and try to lead my life my way
and its not working
when u try to drift away frm God
He will let u go
but when u fall and need Refuge he will be there for You
Go back to him
He Loves You

Training was really tiring
Comp tmr
hope we win
hahaha
League match after that
Father Flanagans after that
hahahaha

The gig was Nice!
CoT
Summersalt
and Parousia
3 Great Bands

Loved Parousia's set
REally tight
great arrangment
And the messages behind the songs were amazing

Studied a bit
i mean a little bit by even my own call

Went back Sji for a while
met a few teachers along the way
Nice seeing all of them
Got more Sji tees
Yay!

Shoppin today!
not for myself though
got a few items already
quite proud i managed to find some items
Items bought today:
Roxy Tote Bag
Skirt
Watch
Muji Album..........not completed

Items still not gotten.....
Shoes
Photos
Socks?
Slippers

Training tmr
Study i hope
Beach road perhaps
and
Gig at 3RD PLACE

Din do much today
shopped ard Queensway with Faye
attempting to get Claressa's Present
the search continues
got a few ideas already
but dunno if it would suit her
dun wanna spent money on a white elephant
wanna get something she would use

Saw the Rugby Girls there
din talk to them much
except to maybe a few
nuthin much to say to the rest
esp to Hadassah
Whenever i see her
my mind just goes blank
Shy?
hahahaha

TRaining was tiring
thats abt it
Project tmr
and the search for the present continues at Suntec City
Jamming too
wanna come watch?
call mi

got this while browsing thru pple's blog
made sense so here it is......
Regret


When you know you could have done better.
When you know what to reply - only when its too late.
When you know you should have done something because it actually meant something to someone, even though it meant nothing to you.
When you hurt someone with your words, only to realise that they were the last words you'll ever say to him because he's dead.
When you put off donating to the less fortunate to buy things you don't need.
When you don't treasure those you love until they are gone.
When you forget to thank the person who helped you in the smallest way.
When you have to sacrifice one of the two things you love most, and realise too late that you sacrificed the wrong one.


Loneliness


The kind where everyone's around you, except the one you want most.
The kind where those you thought would always be there for you, aren't.
The kind you get when stranqers love you more than your friends.
The kind when you open the door to a dark, empty house.
The kind when you eat alone and there's nothing nice on TV.
The kind when you see couples loving each other, and there's an empty seat beside you.
The kind where when you're finally free to go out, no one else is.
The kind that just eats you from within and you don't even have yourself.
The kind where you feel nothing anymore, and you're just living aimlessly.
The kind when you're so used to being alone, you don't even know how NOT being alone feels like.


So true!
dun anyone come tell mi otherwise
i dun believe there is anyone who has not felt either one of these 2 emotions throughout their whole life
just that some pple get it mroe often than others

Haiz!

Got the Confirmation for my IAP
i got the place
Thank God!
will be going down to the clinic tmr to fill up the forms
then go down sch to hand it in

Din accomplish much today
slacked at KAP with Amy and Evonne
talk cock
attempt to study
went dwn sch to do a bit of project
transfered the pufferfish to the nice looking tank
hope it survives
Audition went Well i think

Thats abt it
TRaining tmr

Yay!
I got Aqualife Clinic

Briefing in the Morning
Slept thru most of it
Placement still not confirmed
Dr. Chang has agreeed to let mi go to Aqualife
but Mr. Chang does not seem to wanna allow the change
he is thinking of sending another student there instead
if he does that
i will complain to every single pple involved
cos i found the place
so if anyone is going there
it should be me

Washed out the Tanks to prepare for 3rd Batch of Crayfish
Friday!
Ablation on Tuesday

Went home early
TRaining was Boring!!!
to the Max!
Athars after
Ate alot
Full now

Goin sch tmr to study with Amy and Yvonne
Auditions after that

was just reading a webbie of one of my church frens
the stuff she wrote really made sense to mi
abt facades
abt expressing urself
among others

who am I?
I really dunno
a musician?
a biotechnologist?
a bum?
am i what i want the world to think i am
or am i the person i become when i lock my self up in my room
a self sufficient civilisation
surviving on the music blasting out of my speakers?
who cares?
i feel like i can nvr ever be true to myself
i change with the pplle around mi
with different groups of pple i am a different person
Good? or Bad?

Anyway
din do much today
stayed home
Cooked Dinner for the Family
Fish and Chips

a little irritated now
had just finish studying
came down to watch Jaws2
and out of nowhere
he comes and asks mi to go teach my brother
i asked my brother if he had qns
but he was fine
so i continued watching tv
then he tells mi to off it
like wth?
when its the show he wants to watch
the tv does not disturb anyone
when i wanna watch it
it suddenly becomes a disturbance.
Double Standard if u asked mi

IAP briefing tmr
dunno how to tell Mr Chang
if he insists on mi goin to Tuas
i might just blow my top
CGMP test after

prob go down town with Sam after that to try to get a present for Sis
Long Overdue
Any Suggestions?
budget is a hundred bucks!

No More Tuas!!!!
Dr Chua has agreed to let me do my IAP at his place
i will be following him on Trips to Underwater World
get to follow his associate on house visits to treat fishes
get to help prescribe Medicine
Do reception
help with Surgery
basically help out with the everyday running of the Clinic
Yay!
So excited
when he said ok
i was like burstin with Joy
Hope The sch allows it
I would really be learning things i would use in my life there

The gigs were Fine
the PS one got mi very irritated with the waiting
listening to the Mats doin their "hip hop" acts
by the end of it
i swear i would kill hte next mat i see rapping on stage
Too much lah Bang
Cannot take it Siah!

The Far east Set was Good!
too bad it was cut short due to poor organisation

Thankz to
Qin and Fu
Chris and Haley
Siew
Lester and the "Cold Shoeferns"
Randy and Mel
Evon and Jon
Mun
Shoba
Christine
Val
Min
Shane and GF
Stacie and Rach(thats her name rite?)
Hanis and Sister
Songyu and Delaine
Kenny and Gf
For coming down
Seeing u guys in the CROWD really means alot to us
For those who said they were coming but did not
i expected it lah
...
haiz
the person i wanted to see was not there
haiz
hahahahaha

Just got home frm Father Flanagans
Free Beer
Free Food
what more can i ask for
Lost the Match
played ok
but i guess our team lost out in Experience
SRC field Div 1 players
as usual

Gig Tmr
A little nervous
what if i screw up in front of my friends?
How?

Going to see Dr. Chua tmr regarding my IAP
hope we can reach an agreement
that would truly make my day
along with Hadassah coming for the Gig lah
hahahaha

A bit of good new Today
Dr. Chang went to talk to Mr Chang regarding my IAP
she said that if i could secure the Aqualife Clinic Slot
I could do my IAP there
Oh Please let mi do it there
Anything but Tuas
Anything bu INSTRUMENTATION
Finished all my assignments
will go down to sch to hand it in tmr
hopefully i get to meet Dr. Chua
Pls let mi get this attachment

Gig in 2 days
Hadassah will not be goin down =(
Siting says she will
so did Christine who chose the performance over Daryl tay's Party
Yay!
hopefully Hadassah changes her mind
fi she does a huge bonus for mi
if not
so be it

Game tmr
Hope we win

More or less getting used to the decision for my IAP
its fixed
now its up to mi whether i adapt to it anot
thinking of ways to make my life easier
might ask if i could stay with my uncle
in Boon Lay
for weekdays lah
then maybe once a week go for sch training
Lionred TRainings are a must
at least if i stay there
Yap can accompany mi
Supper?
Drinks
hahaha
even a lift hme frm Training
Lets just see how it goes

Today was ok
IL prac exam was a killer
just as i expected
18 bucks for an open ended qn?
die lah
Lecture was Boring
got free soup frmt he Deli b4 training
TRaining was Slack
Touch all the way

Dinner was as usual
Major talk cock session
Will miss it when IAP Starts!

Gig in 2 days
Hope Hadassah shows up
it would truly make my day
but better not get my hopes up
the higher u go the harder u fall
hopefully most of the pple i call go
if not
so be it
Life a bitch!

TUAS!!!

Nearly everything that could go wrong yesterday went wrong
The few days that i really need an outlet to let out stuff
Blogger goes down
....
Major Pissed
I got sent to Tuas for my IAP
yes
God Forsaken Tuas
Of all places
with te AVA
working with Instrumentation stuff
how interesting?
....
asked Mr. Chang if i could change and guess what he said
cannot but if u can get another place we can give that place to another student
what the hell
u send mi to god forsaken tuas
expect mi to be happy abt it
and now u want mi to get the place at the aqualife Clinic for another guy that i dunno?
and watch him enjoy the fruits of my labour
You Wish man
Never!
if i am actually gonna beg for the Aqualife Place
it better be for mi
not some other Guy
Cos i really dun give 2 flying F* abt him
he can be IApless for all i care

Bitch!!!!
I hate IAP!

Another PREGNANT Crayfish
YAy!
actually studied today
Surprising huh?
left a bit for tmr
will go early to study
Test in the afternoon

Training was slack
Mostly touch
Din intend to go
but always end up goin
hahahaha

We have 2 gigs this sat
1230 Far East and
2030(830pm) far easr
the earlier gig is inside
whereas the later one is outside

Do come Down and Support
Thankz

Busy 2 days ahead
Test
Prac Exam
Training
Jamming
Project
Stress!!!!

Nothing like a good Jam to make ur day
The Jam today went well
apart frm a few minor mistakes here and there
we did well
Gig next week
SATurday 23rd of August
FAR EAST PLAZA
2030hrs or 830PM
COME WATCH K


long time never perform liao
a little rusty
Should Go fine
Confidence in my Band

Bittersweet Feeling
Lost the match
but i played well
ARghhhhhhhhhh
we lost by 2
i hurt my shoulder again
dun think i will go for training on monday
have to study for DDD
Test on Tuesday
IL prac exam on Wed
how????
Scared!

was just thinking on the bus
while freezing my rain soaked ass in the unforgiving Airconditioning
why a person likes another?
it takes more than just looks
if looks were the only criteria
70% of the world would be goin for the other 30%
its a combination of factors which are specific to an individual
for mi
its more of a communication and personality thing
i tend to like pple whom i can talk to
pple who are sociable and frenly
what abt u?

last nite while i was just lying down in bed
trying to destress
i dunno why i suddenly felt so lonely
in that dark room with music in the background
looking back on the things that happened in the past mth
the trips to Zouk
the time spent playing rugby
and the times in the comp lab rushing assignments
sometimes i feel like i am the outcast of the group for all
tryin to break my way into the cliques
the pple dun tell mi in the face but they dun want mi there
only tolerating mi so as to be polite
haiz
Its just of the main insecurities that i have
something i should change.
also
seeing all the happy couples around mi
Shirlene and Irwin
Jachin and Wivi
Ranz and Mel
i cant help but envy them
its everybody's dream to have someone there for them
someone you can truly be urself with
someone you can open up to
someone who makes those dark and gloomy days just seem so far away
Dreams.............

Match tmr
Not very confident
Its a very new squad this yr
not much experience
not used to being one fo the more experienced ones
hope the match goes well
we can win this

Function at home too
must rush home after match
at least thats what i think
hahaha

Tired

Din do much today
Finished my maths Stats...........the most urgent matter at hand
Got the email to Sigma sent out
Did a little project work............i really mean a little

went down town with Darius and Faye.
Just to slack
wanted to buy something but din know what to buy
no more impulse buys
items that i nearly bought today...........
-Quiksilver Flip Flops
-Nautica BoardShorts
-Alpha Numeric Tee

Ate alot
Mos burger
Candy
Pancake like thing
came home and ate sausages
learnt something
You cannot cook Eggs in a Microwave oven
The eggs come out like fishballs

Slacking is good for the Soul
hahaha
helps u relax
esp with frens

Project and training tmr
thats abt it

Conclusion
Nothing good happens on my birthday or on any Birthday related events
lets start with 2001
Beryuan passed away
2002
the after events of the birthday celebrations are things which i would love to forget
2003
Lost my crayfish
Virus
etc....

Phuture kinda sucked for mi today
i dunno why?
the rest enjoyed themselves
most of them that is
guess its more of my own fault
only highlight
meetin Zo, Lumpy, Leonora, Joe and Akash
pple i haven seen in a long while
glad to know all are doin fine

nvr get Apricot Brandy
its like a soft drink without gas

wun be gointo Phuture for a long time after this due to studies and other stuff
good lah
can save money for more useful stuff

Biostats tmr
Project Work
Check on IAP
Squash

once again
Thanks to all who wished mi

Got a unexpected present today
3 Puffer fish
So Cute! hahahaha
will be keepin them in sch
in CAST of course
free food,
water,
antibiotics
etc.

Nikki will not be going to Phuture tonite
No Chio Bu
however
Zo and Lumpy will still be goin
haven seen those guys in a long time

Another Birthday come and Gone
how did i celebrate it?
with absolutely nuthin at all
Day started off badly with the arrival of a Virus in my comp
Courtesy of Ngee Ann Poly

Rushed dwn to sch
Found my X-large Crayfish missing
My pride and Joy
just suddenly disappeared frm the Tank
Maybe it escaped
maybe it was stolen
more likely the latter
kept it there for like 3 mths it does not escape
and suddenly it decides to disappear without a trace?
i highly doubt it
Why?
The project has not gone well since day 1
who hates mi so much?
Feed my crayfish
steal my crayfish
whats next
break the tanks?
just leave my project alone
PLEASE!

Training was Hostile
The 2 key players got angry with each other
Scary man
started with the Drill
Messy
everyone got mad
The practice game was no better

Dinner was ok

Thats abt it

Thankz to all who wished mi
Meant alot
Thankz!

Phuture tmr
..............

I know whats wrong with mi already.
hahaha
The fatigue added to the stress frm rushing deadlines
is causing mi to have this major low self esteem period
I dun even know what i want now
what are my piorities?
i dunno...........
It giving me a headache
i thought i had everything planned out
but when stuff start to clash
choices have to be made
and sadly i am not one for choices
esp among things i treasure dearly

Training was Enjoyable today
Fun!
Dinner was ok
The numbers are getting smaller
rem yr1 when nearly the whole team when taking up so much space in KAP
The laughter, the jokes, the singing among others
true team Spirit
now its more of like the old guys/girls with a few new ones
the rest just stay in their own little cliques
haiz

Girls!
i am such a failure with them
seldom do i succeed with them
I think Hadassah thinks i am a pest?
haiz
dunno man
Sick of it all

Phuture on Wed
til then....................

Today was More or less a boring day
Church was ok
Had lunch with a few of my dad's frens
Free Lunch
nuthin much to say abt that

Went down to Sengkang to get my Sim Card changed and GPRS activated
Mum got a new Phone
Samsung s300
i feel she got ripped off
but she thinks otherwise
haiz
up to her

Rushed down for training
REally hot day
Did the same thing over and over again
It was ok lah

These days feeling very left out of stuff
Insercurities acting up again
It seems everyone now has their own cliques and i sortof dropped out of all their actvites
but thats Life
People move on whether u like it or not
and if u dun move with them u just get left behind
Guess i'm one of the slower ones being left behind
Shit happens!

Tired!
had a BBQ today to celebrate Cmy Sister's bday and my bday
was not much of a celebration for mi
more of like a social gathering for mi
Not really looking forward to my bday this yr
dun think anyone rems anyway
whatever.......
gettin more and more bo chap abt everything
whats the pt of worrying for pple and stuff
when they dun really care???
huh?
its like why ask pple to stop smoking when they dun want to.
hahaha
enlightenment perhaps?
dunno
dun care
hahah

To the following,
Thankz for coming down today at such short notice..........
Appreciate it.
Darius, Mun
Jillyn and Pam

we finished a bottle fo Vodka among the 4 of us
Pam got Drunk.
Take care!

Training tmr
dun really feel like goin
its like ........
a little sick of everything
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..............................

Happy
Birthday
Sam

Billy Mills
Your life is a gift from the Creator. Your gift back to the Creator is what you do with your life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
George Bernard Shaw
The joy in life is to be used for a purpose. I want to be used up when I die.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chinese Proverb
One joy scatters a hundred grieves.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother Teresa
Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Melba Colgrove
Joy is the feeling of grinning on the inside.

Presentation went Fine
Sch was ok
some pple got maluated when their pics flashed on screen
Thank God i was not one of them
Phew!

Training was ok
Fitness down today
Tired easily
too much rest is not a good thing after all
hahaha

Dinner at HV
Subway............
could have been better
if everyone had gone
but wth
it was fun!

Shirlene: take care of ur ankle!

BBQ tmr
dunno who is confirmed coming
haiz
dun really care though
wanna come just come
if not nvm
no pt worrying abt it

In sch now.
Came early to do my DeepView
cos my com decided to just not show theHydrogen Bonds
haha
Need Sleep!!!!

Class is in an hr.
Dday!
hope the presentation goes Fine

Training later

Turns out there is no half DAY...

whatever...........

Today i did something which i have yearned for since the start of sch
Absolutely Nothing
It Refreshing man
just to stay home and slack

Did a bit of Work
finished my CGMP Assignment
Not Deep View Though
cant seem to get it
will go sch early to use it
haiz

Jammin went Fine
The Drum Skin Tore
as shuld i say it was torn when i got there
but i made the hole biggger
hahahaa

Today was dedicated totally to myself
Loved it

To End it all
"quote of the day"

A: "I feel Dirty"

B: "Then Go take a bath lah"

A: "I feel dirty inside"

hahahahaha

HAppy Birthday Faye!!!

just back frm Phuture
went with Darius, Chris,Shoba, Ryan and Mun
met many pple that i really din expect to see there
Dennis, Howie, Amanda, Thomas, Roger, Brandon, Vignesh, Xuewen, Nikki, Kenny, Berd etc...
had Fun!
A little high now
Nvr get Long Island Tea
taste bad
too much alcohol
hahaha

Got to dance with Nikki
the highlight........hahaha
a few others too

Shagged now
hahaha

No sch tmr
Thank God

Jamming tmr
Gym perhaps?

Today was ok
Met up with Dr. Chang
came to a conclusion
This batch of Crayfish are a bad batch
will order more

Went Queensway with Jachin, Sam, Shirlene and Howie
Randy came later
Boots shoppin
Window shoppin mainly
hahah
The tapioca at Queensway is damn good
the Chix Chop too
try it
Shirlene says Hadassah is not attched
Yay!

Training was ok
Need a rest man
Til Friday that is
Left Early

Driving was so so
Cleared the Final Lesson
Test on 22nd Sept
but the driving was not satisfactory
haiz
think the instructor let mi pass cus of pity
hahaha


Lets see how it goes
hope i pass it

Deepview is Driving mi Nuts!!!!
I hate it
Phuture tmr
Yay!

the world's most thick skinned post

My Birthday is Next Tuesday

hahahaha
anybody wanna volunteer to get mi my Mocha Wheat Coloured Nike Air Rift
hahaha
or like a new Snare Drum?
hahaha

anyway
Faye's Bday is this Thursday
Sam's is on Sunday

Happy Birthday in advance pple!

Today was just Tiring
Raelly sick of seeing the Dead Crayfish
Irritates the shit out of mi
all the effort down the drain
will talk to Dr. Chang tmr abt it
Attachment more or less settled
Feel like talking to all the Yr 2 doin AM
pls dun feed our crayfish
dun touch our tanks
it sucks to repeat the whole experiment
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

Training was Good
Fitness
I actually want more of it
the more the Better
More training tmr
Final Driving lesson
Hope I clear it

Church was Different in a good way today
No Sermon
2 1/2 hrs of Praise and Worship
my dream service happened

I went for Training
rather surprised myself
it was Tiring
overall quite Fun
only with the Usual guys lah
and a few of the u17 guys
still cant click with the new Mats
Physical was quite a breeze
more of like a warmup for tmr's Long Dist
2.4km anyone?

Went downtown for Dinner with the Ruggers
Talk Cock Session
its thru such things that Team Spirit it built
understanding each other of the field

Cant wait for tmr
Project
Fitness
meet hadassah...i wonder?
is she attached?
hope not ?

Class at 9am on a Saturday
Jamming was cancelled after that
due to Ryan being unable to make it
prob jam twice this coming week
Thrsday and Sat?

The match was Nice
would have loved to play a part but ...
was made touch Judge
a thankless task
but a learning experience
We won 4 tries to 1
Great Work Guys

Dinner with Ruggers after
Nice Meal

caught the replay of the Aust vs SA match
Boring!

Church tmr
Training after
after much thought
decided to go for training instead of the gig
haiz
a hard choice to make
but now scared i might lose my place to Seow

More Crayfish Died
gettin on my nerves
need tot alk to Dr. Chang soon
i think the Crayfish are social animals which need interaction
keeping them separated will only kill them

Training was Fun
Touch all the Way
Kai Hock made a surprise visit
Comm meetin was ok
talked abt Training plan
the team vision and stuff
hope we follow thru
wanna win something for Ngee Ann

had dinner with the team
the usual people that is
Chong Hui and Hadassah made a surprise visit
Not that i'm complaining or anything
turned out Hop Nite totally sucked
hahahaha

Tmr is a busy day
Lecture
then Jamming
then watch match
dunno whether to club
prob clubbing on wed witht he guys
so prob not
haiz

Cherie asked why i sound so down
i dun see the pt in puttin up a facade in my own blog
the place where i should just let everything out
writing is such great form of release
WooHoo

Stressssssssssssssssssss!

and more
Stresssssssssssssssssssssss!

Long time since a day like this
Went out with Chris and Darius
just slacked around Suntec
It was ok

Din manage to settle my IAP posting
turns out Dr. Chang is a good Friend of Dr. Chua
will get her to talk to him

Din my project in Sch
Din really think i was gonna meet Hadassah today
but i did
on the way out

why am i so into her?
i dun even know man
its just an unexplainable attraction
plus the fact that i can actually talk to her
maybe thats it
hahahaha
wth....................

Training tmr
dun expect much pple
Glenn and co goin Nite Cycling
Hadassah and Chong Hui goin for Hop Nite
shuld be a light session anyway
match on SAt for most of the Seniors
wish i was playing too
not good enough.......yet